Four Rules for Success: Show up, Pay Attention, Tell the Truth, and Don’t be Attached to the Outcome.

This quote comes from Angeles Arrien, a cross-cultural anthropologist, teacher, and author. Ii’s a powerful quote and I really like it, so I thought I would share it with you, and along with it, give you some ideas of how you might apply it in your business life.

Show Up

How do you show up every day when you get to work? Are you tired, overwhelmed, and anxious, or are you excited and enthusiastic. When you pick up the phone to talk to a customer, do you dread making the call or do plan on finding a way to be of service. How do you see yourself in that very moment?

What about when you arrive for an appointment. Are you prepared? Do you know what you want to say? Do you have your paperwork in order? How is your presentation? Do you feel good about it?

When we are prepared, we naturally feel more confident. When you feel confident, you will be in control of the conversation. YOU are the expert. Not the customer. When they throw you off (which they will) you know where to come back in. When they give you objections (which they will) you will know what to say.

How do you show up emotionally in your work? Are you feeling fearful? That’s pretty normal, especially if you are new in your business or just ramping up. Perhaps you have stress in your life in others areas. Can you compartmentalize your emotions? If you are like me, that’s not so easy. Everyone has stress…that’s life. Part of the problem is that we think that no one else has these problems, or feels the way you do. When we think that way, we are just comparing our insides with someone else’s outsides. In our world today, stress is at an all-time high. Most people have to work hard to survive, pay the bills, and take care of their family. We put so much pressure on ourselves to be great… be a great mom, be in terrific physical shape, be the best at our work. AAAHHHH! We have to tone it down. So take the time to self-sooth, pamper yourself, relax, and do everything you can to make sure you show up for your work feeling as good as you possibly can.

Pay Attention

When we pay attention we are in the present moment. When we bring our attention to the here and now, there is no where else we can be. There has been a lot of research lately on how important it is to quiet the mind and be still. Stop right now and pay attention. Pay attention to what you are sensing. What do you see, hear, smell, taste. How does the air feel on your skin? Feel your pulse. When you are in the moment you can not be worried about the future or upset about something in the past. You have a heightened awareness and it is in this moment that something magical happens. You begin to notice subtle changes. You feel more connected with others and with your environment. It is in this space where you access your intuition and open up to your full potential.

Tell the Truth

OK, this is a big one. Always be 100% honest and tell the truth. In business, there can be that pull to be a little dishonest.  Maybe it is because of the pressure to make the sale or get a customer. Does being dishonest make the sale? Maybe. But in the long run it will damage your reputation and your clients won’t trust you. When you tell the truth, they can still get mad at you. However, after a short time they usually get over it and eventually are thankful. …thankful that you were honest with them and told them the truth. 

Don’t be attached to the Outcome

I love this one. It takes away all the pressure to get the deal. It also gives you the option to walk away. It opens up all possibilities and the knowing they are all ok. How many times have you not gotten that new customer only to realize later that it worked out for the better? Maybe you didn’t really want that person as a customer. What about in your personal life? Haven’t there been times in your life where you went through a difficult time, and when you were going thru it you thought it was really bad. Then later you look back and see how that “bad” time shaped your life for the better. Can you imagine seeing your life unfolding that way more and more, and how much lighter and interesting all the events of your life would become?

In our business, and in our personal lives, we can only do our very best for today. Right now, in this moment, you are the best. See yourself as being exactly where you are supposed to be. You do not have to “beat yourself up” for not knowing more, or being better. Just trust that based on your level of knowledge and experience, you are in the exact right place. Every day you are learning and growing. You are in the process of becoming. We are not sure what the future holds, so why be attached to the outcome. Trust that the universe, God, or your higher self, has placed you on just the right path for you, and that it will be exciting every step of the way.





Posted in Conscious Business, Emotions, Intuition, Life Coaching, Purpose, Stress Relief | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

The Emotional Journey to Inner Peace

So, let me guess… the last thing you need is another article on Inner Peace. I’m with you on that one. As a life coach and spiritual teacher, I am in the business of “feeling good”, and some days it’s a little much. My Facebook wall has become the wall of good vibes, as all my friend’s status updates seem to be geared toward something inspiring or uplifting. I wonder, “how does Facebook know what post I want to see?”, because there is no way that all of my “friends” are only posting information that interest me. I guess its like the ads to the right of the page on facebook, and somehow they just know I am a women in my 40s that might want to buy face cream. I admit, sometimes, I miss the crude jokes and the otherwise non-positive status updates that my husband seems to get on his Facebook wall.

But here’s the thing… my life is mostly about personal and spiritual growth. It has been for a long time, and I don’t see that changing in the future. I love that I attract others into my life that have similar interest, even if it has a lot to do with Facebook algorithms. I truly believe if we are not growing we are dying. Just look around, all of nature is either growing or dying, and we are part of nature. Of course, growth is not always easy, but it’s always worth the effort.

Lately, I have been spending more time with my emotions, and creating “emotional awareness.” Its funny, I have been alive for over 48 years, and have taken more personal growth seminars than I can count, and yet, I am still somewhat clueless about how my emotions work. Maybe I am not alone. My investigation has led me to talking to friends and family about our emotions, sharing about some of the things that upset me, and asking questions as to “why”. What I have discovered in talking about emotions, is that we “think” we have it all figured out. We think we understand why others act out emotionally, have issues with anger, feel sad, have fear, etc. We become our friends’ therapist, and although we give them a shoulder to cry on, we also secretly think we have them all figured out. We say to ourselves, if they would just do this or stop doing that, then they wouldn’t feel so bad. So we think.

I think that its impossible to figure out why someone else feels they way they do. The only thing we can do is to try to figure out why we feel the way we do. It’s my belief that we are spiritual beings having a human experience. In as such, our spirit, or soul has chosen to come to the Earth school to learn and grow, and that our growth is perpetuated by our emotions. Our emotions are like messengers: they come to show you what you need to heal or to cultivate. Your emotions are unique to you, and that is why no one else will ever understand why you feel they way you do. There is a way to better understand your unique messages and create more understanding of your emotions, and it though getting to know your emotions. (For more information on this topic, I highly recommend the book, Heart of the Soul, by Gary Zukav)

The journey to inner peace is just that…a journey. I have been working at this for some time now, and just recently I am starting to understand why I feel the way I do. Its my personal journey, and it only makes sense to me. That’s ok. Afterall, if I spend too much time trying to figure out everyone elses emotional makeup, I might miss out on all those great status updates on my Facebook wall.

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How to Get Rid of Stress in 5 Minutes

We all have stress. For many of us being “stressed out” has become a way of life. It seems like it’s just natural. We can get away from it for a while; go on vacation, take a break, but that feeling of stress never seems to completely leave. Stress is acceptable in our society. The more we work, the fuller our lives become, and that brings more stress. We think that a full life, and all the stuff that comes with it, will lead us to happiness. Of course, that’s the illusion. Because, as you probably know, happiness is an inside job. It has nothing to do with how much you achieve, or what you “do” on the outside.

Stress is what happens when you resist some part of your life, like when you are feeling out of control and overwhelmed. Perhaps you are trying to do too much because you want to reach certain goals, or you are looking for some imagined approval or acceptance, or you are running from your feelings. Some people say stress is good. I used to say that I worked well under stress. What I didn’t know at the time was that I really wasnt “working well”. I was not feeling good about myself or my life, and work was a way to focus on something outside of myself. I thought that if I reached a certain level of success, I would feel happier, so therefore, I thought stress was good. Afterall, on the outside, I was the go-getter, the top-producer, the overachiever, and all that recognition gave me even more reasons to keep being stressed.

So, how can we get rid of stress? It’s simple… accept your life! That’ right. You need to accept your life the way it is right here, right now. No more judging yourself or your loved ones; no more blaming, no more guilt, anger or worry. Easy right? Ok, I know, it’s not easy, but it is simple. I want to give you some suggestions on how you can let go of these negative emotions, but first, I want to acknowledge that we all struggle with these negative feelings. It’s the human condition. However, we are not just human beings, we are spiritual beings. The more we  bring our personality into alignment with our soul, the less of these painful feelings we will have, and the more we will feel what our soul experiences naturally, which is love, acceptance, compassion, and creativity.

So here is the 5 minute way to get rid of stress: It starts with the breath. Take 5 minutes in the morning to breathe with awareness. There is a 3 part yoga breathing that is perfect for bringing your attention to the breath. Start by taking a deep breath in and bring it all the way down to your belly. Than fill up the middle part of your chest, and then the top part of your chest. When you exhale, first release the upper part of your chest, then the middle, then contract your belly to fully expel all of the breath. Then start again with a full inhale, and just keep focused on the breath. If you cant do it for 5 minutes do it for 1 or 2. The breath is more powerful than you think. Within 5 minutes you will feel relaxed, energized, and peaceful. You will bring oxygen to your brain and that will make you smarter, more creative. In addition, the breathing will move energy in your body and that will help you move through those pesky negative emotions.  Try it and see for yourself just how easy it is to get rid of stress once and for all.

Posted in Breath Work, Life Coaching, Meditation, Spiritual Growth, Stress Relief | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Zen of Dart Throwing

Ok, I know what you are thinking. “What do I need to know about dart throwing?” Well, I thought that too, up until about two weeks ago when my husband, Roger, put up a dart board on our patio. He shared with me how much fun it was playing darts in college. He jokingly told me that he majored in darts. (I figured that went right along with a minor in beer chugging). Anyway, he doesn’t drink now, but he still likes to play darts. He told me there was a “Zen” to it. I was sceptical, but open-minded. And since I am usually up for just about anything, I gave it a whirl.

It really didn’t seem like a difficult game to me. The “official” throwing distance is only about 7′, and the darts are lightweight, and feel nice when you hold them.  So we started with a simple game of baseball. We take turns throwing the darts at the numbers 1 – 9, like innings, and keep score of how many points we get in each inning. Now of course, he beats me hands down, but its fun because no matter how many points you get after each inning we move onto the next.  I noticed after the first game or two, that it was pretty simple to get the darts to hit the board, but its a whole different story to actually hit your target.

So that brings me to the Zen he spoke about. I started to see that when I am centered I play the game much better, and come much closer to hitting my target. If I am rushed or have a busy mind, even when I try to take my time, I just cant get the dart close to where I am aiming. “Well, that’s interesting” I thought to myself. It made me wonder how much I am missing in my life because I am rushed or have a busy mind.

It’s always been challenging for me to slow down.  I have meditated on and off for many years, but I admit that it’s not my favorite thing to do, as I struggle to quiet my mind. They say it’s practice, but I usually give up before any real progress is made. I think some of us are naturally more adapt to slowing down, getting quiet and being more single focused. Others of us are not. My husband Roger is in the first group.  He seems to take life a little slower, he is more deliberate, and very present at whatever he is doing. I guess that’s why he good at darts… that and the time spent practicing. On the other hand, I am the opposite. Naturally, I go pretty fast; I am a multitasker and I get stuff done. I like that about myself, and most of the time it serves me well. Yet, there is a lesson here for me. When I am moving too fast, there is a good chance I am going to miss my target, whatever the target is, and the target is always that which is before you right now. The target is the present moment: it’s the person you are speaking to, the words you are writing, the action you are taking, right here, right now. Afterall, what else is there but this present moment. Hey, I think that’s Zen!

Posted in Life Coaching | 3 Comments

We All have a Purpose

I watched a great movie last night…Hugo. I didn’t hear much about it when it was at the movie theater, but it won 5 Academy awards, so I was curious. It’s a wonderful movie and I highly recommend it. It’s the story of a boy who lost his father and ends up living in a train station, taking care of the clocks. The cinematography is absolutely stunning, and I can only imagine how beautiful it looks on the big screen. It is set in Paris in the 1930s. The boy’s father repaired clocks and taught his son the delicate workings of machines and how to fix them. Without giving away the ending, the boy shares with us his idea that the world is a big machine and that each one of us has a purpose, just like the small gears and pieces of a clock. And that if one part is broken, the machine does not work. He eventually discovers that his purpose is fixing things, and that also includes people.

What a beautiful message. On this planet we have over 7 billion people, and it’s easy to feel insignificant and small. So many of us don’t feel like we have a purpose, or at times we lose sight of what we believe is our purpose. I love the idea that we are like a big machine and that each and every part has a purpose and is necessary. Also, if you are broken; feeling lost, disconnect, unhappy, or not expressing your true self, the machine as a whole is not working properly.

I think we can all agree that our big machine, the Earth, is not working properly. We are facing many major challenges as a planet and as a race. It’s no longer just “that country’s problem”. We are in the midst of a global energy crises and with political and social tensions at an all time high, we are perhaps facing destruction of the human race if we don’t learn to work together, and to help each other find solutions to our common problems.

So, what can “I” do about it? I know it feels overwhelming when we consider all of the challenges we face today, and its hard to imagine that you, being just one person, can make a difference in the world. But if we see ourselves as small, but very necessary, parts of a big working machine, and that if the machine is to work its best, you and all the other parts must be working. We will then know that our part is vital to the working and healing of our planet. Additionally, it may be that in order for you to do your part well, you will have to help others discover their part and help get them “fixed”.  In other words, your job may be to help others find and live their purpose. I believe this is our destiny. It should be the goal of every living person on this planet, all 7 plus billion, to find and live their purpose in the world. Otherwise, the our big machine will not run properly, and eventually it could stop running altogether.

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Getting Out of Your Own Way

Did you know that most of the obstacles in your life are put there by you. Think about it. You have a goal or a desire to accomplish something, it can be anything, like take a class at the gym, meet someone special for a relationship, get a new job, make more money, etc., and before you really get going you fizzle out, or you tell yourself that it’s not going to work for you, you’re too busy, or it’s impossible to meet someone decent these days.  On the other hand, think of all things you have accomplished in your life, and I’m sure for all of us, that list is very long. So, what is the difference…. it’s YOU!

The difference in what you can or can’t accomplish is your belief. Beliefs are deeply ingrained in our subconscious mind. They come from our early programming in childhood and continue to form all throughout our lives. They may even come from past lives. The good news is that we can change our belief’s. There have been so many times in my life I have changed my beliefs. I’m sure we all can look back and see how our beliefs have changed and evolved over time. In most cases, I was not aware that I was in the process of changing my beliefs. It’s when I look back in review, I see what actually changed was my sub-conscious mind, and it was a process, not an event.

I want to briefly touch on the difference between the conscious and sub-conscious mind. The image below shows how the majority of what we think and feel comes from our subconscious mind and only a small percentage is from the conscious mind. The way we change our sub-conscious mind is by changing how we use the conscious mind. I imagine the conscious mind is like a funnel;  you put lots of information in the top, then a small amount comes out the bottom and it funnels into the sub-conscious mind. So, with that in mind, we have to consider that whatever information we are putting in our heads, will eventually flow into our sub-conscious mind, and basically that’s making us who we are today. In fact, who we think are today is really just an accumulation of all the conscious thoughts, actions and ideas, we have come into contact with our whole lives. Wow!

So, now that we got pretty heady and looked at the big picture for a while, let’s get back to getting things accomplished and getting out of our own way. We know we have deeply ingrained sub-conscious beliefs we want to change, so how do we go about changing them? It’s simple – we change what we put in our conscious mind. Every day, all the time, minute by minute. Yes, it’s that simple, but not easy. None of us are able to completely filter every thought, action, attitude that we put in our heads. However, we can be more diligent about it. Feed your conscious mind with positive thoughts. Thoughts that inspire you, feel good, give yourself lots of “at a boy’s”, be grateful, give compliments to yourself and others, take time for mediation, all those things we know are good for us.

On of the most important things we can do to change our sub-conscious beliefs is to “Just do it.” Trust me, I know this is a tough one. There have been many times when I wanted to do something new, take on a new challenge, make a change, and the hardest part was to just to do it. My whole being was saying NO. You know what I mean, right. We feel like every cell in our body is telling us to go the other way. Action is by far one of the best ways to reprogram that stubborn sub-conscious. The more you do something, the more you will begin to feel like you can do it. It may take time, yes, and that is why discipline is important. Hold yourself accountable, keep it going, and in time, you will feel a real difference. That’s because, you really did… get yourself out of your own way.

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That Message was for Me!

Today is the first post on my new blog. Wow! I am very excited. Its also been a week of many firsts. I’ve made a career change. Its more like another reinvention of my livelihood. This time I am leaving professional sales, to return to a more spiritually based business, Life Coaching. It’s not entirely new, as I was certified as a life coach 10 years ago and worked in the field for a short time. That was, of  course, a different time in my life. (it’s always different, right). At that time, I was just not ready for the lessons that I was receiving as a coach. I had alot of FEAR. That’s right, plain old fear was running my life. I was involved in a relationship that was unhealthy, and emotional abusive. My “love reserve” was on low. So, after training and becoming a coach, and working with clients for a short time, one day, out of FEAR, I picked up the phone, called an old friend, and got a job in the corporate world. Seven years later, after being on the material roller coaster…. making alot of money and also going thought money scarcity with the ups and downs of markets, etc., I felt completely out of touch with my spirit. I’m not sure when I realized this. It was like one day I woke up and didn’t feel like I was the same person anymore, I was the outsider looking in. I didn’t fit into the corporate world. I never did really, but I knew how to camouflage well. I was chasing something and it held my interest for a while, kind of like when you get lost in movie and forget about your own life. But this was not a movie that entertained for a couple of hours and than it was over. This movie lasted years and when it was over, I felt drained and empty. All that material stuff never really amounted to much and although it may have filled my closets, it certainly didn’t fill my spirit.

Letting go the didn’t come easy. Although I was getting the message to leave from many places and at different times, I had to drag it out for some time. One of the messages came to me when I went to England last summer with my son and my friend. I wanted to go to England to see crop circles. (that goal alone should have been a good indication that I never fit in the corporate world) The trip was amazing and beyond words.  The first circle we visit on our first morning in Avebury, was a huge beautiful double spiral. It was so perfect. The circle had been there for several weeks, but it still had such great structure. It was a gorgeous morning, and we walked across the field and into the circle. I could feel the energy right away. It was strong and yet welcoming. We were so happy to be there. After a while, I sat in the middle of the double spiral and meditated. The message I received was that these spirils represented the spiritual and the material worlds. That I cannot be in only the material world and I cannot only be in the spiritual world, I must walk in both at the same time. I thought, well that feels like a nice message to bring more balance into my life. Then a few days later in our trip, I had a quick tarot card reading from a women who was staying at the bed and breakfest, and she said the same thing. Wow, I thought. Maybe I should pay attention to this.

Fast forward to today. The message and the image from that crop circle has never left me. I am ready to come back to life coaching with more experience and most importantly, more balance. I am in a good place in my life, and I am ready to learn the lessons that Im sure will be coming with this choice. Some may be very difficult, as life coaching is not for the faint of heart. I ask for guidance and support my all my guides and teachers as I embark on this journey. I feel my purpose in this lifetime is to take all my experiences from the different chapters of my life so far, and help others, along with myself, find the balance of walking in the spiritual and the material world.

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